Emails Divorce and Remarriage by David Instone-Brewer
Read the book    Buy a copy	I read and reply to all emails though sometimes the reply is very brief, due to pressure of time. I like to get questions - especially if they are new. Many people ask questions which are already covered in these Questions & Replies. Please take a moment to look at previous emails before you write. Pastoral support doesn't really work by email, so if you need this, I'd encourage you to find a local fellow Christian or minister. Their personal views on this subject don't matter too much if they are good at listening, both to you and to God. David Instone-Brewer	Read portions    Buy a copy

Emailed Questions or Comments  & Replies

Emails may be summarised and details changed to protect anonymity. Click on the question for a fuller version of the email and the reply.

Jesus never spoke about divorce for anything except adultery, so why do you say he allowed other grounds?

You have said that the marriage vow about obedience is optional. Does this mean that you are against male headship in marriage?

I've just got divorced and I want to know where I stand. Can you give me a quick summary of what you have found out?

My wife and I were both divorced before we married. Should we separate because we are living in adultery according to Jesus' teaching?

Jesus says in Mt.5.32 that 'everyone' who divorces and remarries commits adultery – not just those who have an 'Any Cause' divorce.

Should we regard the silence of Jesus on a par with the explicit remarks in Scripture?

Jesus never spoke about divorce for anything except adultery, so why do you say he allowed other grounds?

How can you argue so much from silence?

Is attempted murder a biblical ground for divorce?

The word 'porneia' (which is often translated 'sexual indecency') means 'incest'.

Isn't 'emotional neglect' virtually the same as 'any cause' in today's climate?

Is a service of repentance sufficient for formerly married persons who wish to marry again?

Old Testament law commanded death for adultery, so why did anyone need a divorce certificate?

Should my father-in-law leave his new younger bride and be reconciled to my mother who did not want to get divorced and who did nothing wrong.

My wife has been in a coma for many months and may never recover. Does this force me to live a celibate life? [This includes a large group of email replies from other people.]

Why does Paul use the language of freedom from slavery with regard to divorce?

How can you tell when an abusive partner is genuinely repentant and do we have to keep forgiving?

If Jesus says the Creation texts overrule the law of divorce, then he is siding with Hillel, not Shammai.

Why can't I simply copy the text off your website?

Wasn't divorce for 'any cause' used by Jewish men before the time of Hillel whom you say invented it?

Isn't divorce a sin?

Before I buy your book, I want to know what you are saying.

Does Deuteronomy 24.4 mean that all remarriage is wrong?

Have you seen Tomson's critical review?

Doesn't "one-flesh" imply an unbreakable bond?

I came across an interesting article about changing mores in Iraq particularly in relations to "temporary marriages", which can last as little as one hour. Have you heard of this?

If a wife is suffering unjustly from a neglectful or abusive husband should she see this as an opportunity to share in Christ's sufferings instead of as a reason to opt out of the marriage?

You touch on the issue of wives subjecting to husbands, but you appear to treat this as if it was not a Scriptural command. But it says in black and white: "Wives submit to your husbands" (Eph.5.22).

Leviticus says that priest should not marry divorced women (Lev.21.7). Perhaps this means that believers should not marry divorcees, because we are called a royal priesthood (1Peter.2.5). Although the literal laws about priests no longer apply to us, don't they still indicate God's general will for us?

I heard a testimony from someone who said the Lord told him to divorce when he read Matthew 19, "What God has joined together, let no man separate". He said his wife wasn't a believer, so God hadn't joined them, and so this verse said he could get divorced. He also said this would apply to someone who had been disobedient to God in their choice of a life partner, which they would find out when the marriage broke down, because if God had joined them, it wouldn't have broken down. Do you think this is a legitimate way of reasoning?

I have just read your book, Divorce and Remarriage in the Church. I'm currently seeking divorce in order to escape an emotionally abusive wife, and I have a question. She is saying that she will fight a divorce petition that quotes her unreasonable behaviour, because she is still completely in denial about it all. It would be so much easier and peaceful to go along with a no-fault divorce, but you mention in your book that it appears to be wrong to attempt a "no fault" divorce as a Christian. However, didn't Joseph plan to divorce Mary quietly although he had (it seemed) very clear grounds for a big noisy divorce?

You point out that in the Greaco-Roman world of the early church there was no concept of the modern day notion to seperate from you partner for a time and then to eventually get divorced. Biblically speaking, when should a person be considered to be divorced - once a person permanently moves out, or once it is declared annulled in a court of law? And also, it seems from your writings that you are not in favor of long seperations. What is the reason for this?