Selections from Chapter 15: (Click here for full text)
Dear Pastor…
Real life problems from my mailbox
I have a parish of hundreds of thousands through a very busy web site (www.Instone-Brewer.com). I put most of my work on the site as I write it; about a thousand people visit it per week and a few of them email me. This came yesterday from an American man:
When I found your website I cried (for joy) and I just wanted to thank you. I was in a church that taught there was no reason to get divorced, except perhaps adultery. In my marriage,I was ;in a pervasive emotionally-abusive situation and the counsel of my Christian friends was to "hang in there". Finally, I had a dream where I was standing before God and I had done something violent to end the abuse. God asked me a question: "Why did you not just leave?". It was then that I knew I needed to get out of my marriage, regardless of what my church taught and what my friends said. They all asked me what was the Biblical basis of my divorce, as I was abused but they did not see that as a valid reason …
I can now point them to your website for a scholarly and very credible explanation of my position. As you say, the whole position on marriage and divorce is made coherent by understanding the Jewish context. I ordered 3 copies of your book, one for me, one for my pastor, and one for my psychological counselor. I thank God that you have had the courage to speak the truth in love as you understand it. Praise God!
A British woman emailed me a few weeks ago:
Just came across your web pages completely by accident whilst researching into the effects of divorce on pensions!! As a Christian and an active member of a parochial church council (PCC), my decision to divorce my abusive husband after six and a half years was not taken lightly and only after years of soul searching, prayer and finally desperation as I clambered back from depression and breakdown. I knew that God did not intend for me to suffer as I was suffering yet could find no other answer. I concluded that the Biblical ideal of marriage could only be attained if both parties were aiming for the same goal and could not believe that I was expected to continue living in this manner despite evidence to the contrary. A few months prior to making my decision, I consulted my parish rector and discussed my anguish at length and he did persuade me to try to make it work.
Following my decision, I sent a letter of resignation to the PCC explaining that due to my situation, I no longer felt it appropriate to continue serving on the council and that I was having problems dealing with the compromisation of my faith. I received a letter thanking me for my work over the years and wishing me luck in the future. No member of my church has contacted me since, leaving me with an even greater feeling of failure and sin. I have felt unable to walk into my church since and have not done so.
I have heard many stories like these where divorcees have felt let down by their church just when they need its help most. A huge number of people are hurt and harmed during the course of their marriage but we will never know exactly how many because often they suffer in secret. In the past, women were the victims of broken marriage vows more often than men, but things are now equalising. Both men and women commit adultery, and both men and women are abusive or neglectful, though men are much more likely to be violent.
The teaching of the church has compounded much of this hurt rather than alleviating it. Victims of continuing abuse have been told that they must stay married and, even if they do get divorced, they have been told that they cannot remarry until their former partner has died. And sometimes those who have divorced and remarried are told by their church that they must now divorce their new spouse because, in God’s eyes, they are still married to the person who abused or neglected them – so the church makes them a victim for a second time.
Most of my work on divorce and remarriage was done after I left the church pastorate to become a Research Fellow of an academic institution. While my mind wandered freely among the academic towers of Cambridge, my feet were kept firmly on the ground by a wide circle of church contacts and by emails like those in this chapter. The questions people asked often forced me to face up to practical implications of my studies which I had not considered. These emails became, for me, a test by which my work could be judged, because if my interpretation of Scripture is correct, I would also expect it to be practical in pastoral situations. Whether or not my work has passed this test is for you to judge as you read these emails over my shoulder and see my replies.
More in this chapter...
These emails demonstrate that there are a lot of people who need practical solutions and I hope I’ve been able to show you that the Bible does have them. Most of the work behind these studies was conducted in the privileged academic environs of Cambridge, using the unparalleled resources of the Tyndale House library. Here I had access to a vast array of historical sources, including all the relevant ancient Jewish literature and papyri, much of which has never been examined by previous scholars who worked on this subject.
My aim was not to find an easy answer but to honestly discover what the New Testament meant to its first hearers and readers. I made the wonderful discovery that the New Testament teaching is eminently practical and that it demonstrates God’s continuing love for us, even after the sin of breaking marriage vows. I found that both Jesus and Paul condemned groundless divorce, but both allowed the victim of broken marriage vows to divorce. I also found that divorce implied the right to remarry.
Other scholars have come to the same conclusions simply by applying common sense - though they failed to find a Biblical basis for them. I was much more fortunate than them because of the unequalled access which I had to historical and cultural data about the context of the New Testament.
My parting plea to you is that you do not judge other scholars harshly for what they did not know, but please do apply critical judgement to what I have said. Do not simply accept what you have read here, or simply dismiss it, but consider the evidence and pray about it. I have tried to hear what God says to us all by listening in on what he said to 1st century believers, but whether or not I have succeeded is for you to judge.
